Watching Jonas Valanciunas execute moves in the low post is cool, but it's also a somewhat agonizing experience because all it does is remind me how Donatas Motiejunas isn't even in the league right now. No offence to Valanciunas, but Motiejunas' post moves were a Picasso painting compared to Valanciunas' preschool fingerpaintings.
To be fair, Valanciunas has Motiejunas beat, easily, in the "physical attractiveness" realm. It's not even close. Motiejunas always looked like the kind of person who would be more comfortable playing World of Warcraft sixteen hours a day than playing professional basketball. Valanciunas, meanwhile, looks like somebody who would wear a fancy suit, drink fancy wine, and pick up older, yet still sexy, women at a piano bar.
I'm not going to look up where Motiejunas is right now because I don't want to be sad. That's also why I'm not thinking about how the Bucks blew a seventeen-point fourth-quarter lead tonight. Instead, I'm thinking about Jonas Valanciunas going to piano bars and using his Language of Lithuanian Love to woo women back to his place. I guess that's a happy thought?
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